To make myself feel better about how doomed things with S are, and how much it will hurt when he leaves - I like to imagine the person I'm really supposed to be with. And in my imagination, I will meet him sometime after S is gone.
Yes perhaps I am descending into madness, but at least I'm expressing it here and not in my "real life."
This man. He's gentle. He's smart and logical. He's chinese. But Canadian through and through. He's got a slight build, but works out and maintains good health - like me. Did I mention that he's intelligent? And we will fall madly in love of course - the sort of love that is equal. There will not be this unbalance of feelings that seem to plague so many couples.
He will be sweet to me. And we will both do anything for the other. We won't play games. We won't even ever argue.
And, of course, in my imagination, we will date for a few years and we'll get married... all before I turn 30.