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e y e s
s p a r k l e
f l i r t
b l o g
Sunday, April 23, 2006
I almost told him today.We were lying in bed this morning. I had to leave to go back home - otherwise I would have slept in with him.
I was up. And staring at his face. He was drifting in and out of sleep, occasionally opening his eyes to look at me. He must have known I was watching him.
And I debated it back and forth in my head.
Part of me was telling me to just spit it out. How hard is it to form words with your mouth? The other part of me was screaming no... to put brakes on it and think of the consequences. I was trying to work up the courage to do it. I was trying to make myself expect that he would definitely 100% say no (I mostly already believe that, but I also still believe that there's the tiniest chance that he may say it back).
So I didn't do it.
I figured if I told him, I would have to leave, we wouldn't have time to talk about it, or let it sink in. And then I'd be going out of my mind wondering what he was thinking.
But I have to do it. Before he leaves.
For his sake - so he can know. And also for my own sake.
I shouldn't deny myself this. Saying "I love you" to the first person I've ever felt it for real for. I shouldn't miss out on that. If I never say it, and then he leaves for home this summer for four months - maybe I will always regret it.
12:39 AM
