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Who am I?
Erica *
Inkgurl *
Make-out bandit *
Caffeine junkie *
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About this:
Diary blog *
Relationships *
Heartbreak *
Sex *
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01/01/2015 - 02/01/2015 *
12/01/2017 - 01/01/2018 *
e y e s
s p a r k l e
f l i r t
b l o g
Monday, June 30, 2003
I was talking on the phone with RGuy and he asked me how I would feel if he smoked up tomorow when we went out with him and his friends. If it upset me, he wouldn't do it.And I hesitated. Because I don't want to tell him what to do, but I don't want him to do it. But if it's gonna be that way, I wish that he naturally felt like he didn't want to do it (haha - I'm so naive).
I hate drugs. I don't know if that's just a knee jerk reaction due to my conservative Asian upbringing.
I never wanted to be one of those girls that tell their boyfriends how to be and what they can and cannot do. I like the idea of independence. I value independence.
Is this warped? What it comes down to (and what I would never say out loud) is that I don't want him to do it, and I'm not going to tell him not to do it, and if he does, I will probably be more inclined to leave him. I see it more as a charactor flaw than an action (a little thing he did wrong). Does that make sense?
So he judged by my reluctance to say anything and my silence that I didn't want him to do it. And he said he wouldn't. That it wasn't a big deal and I was more important. And I felt relieved. At the same time, I know I'm holding him back from something that most people don't think is a big deal.
9:31 PM
Tuesday, June 24, 2003
I got in. I found out yesterday afternoon.Wow, it's so weird. I expected it, but I didn't. I had so prepared myself to not get in. Just to cushion the blow. I had visions of a yuppie lifestyle. I was gonna consider buying a car, I was gonna start upgrading my wardrobe. With nothing like school to save for, I could spend my money on more frivolous things. That's not an option anymore, with a tuition of more than 10 grand a year.
I know I'm gonna go. But there's still a small element of uncertainty. I haven't faxed in my acceptance yet. Is it fear?
But I'm pleased and relieved, if not ecstatic. And my hope has grown a bit today. I'm hoping to find my dream career in this.
9:13 PM
Saturday, June 21, 2003
I'm so lucky because I have a fantastic view of the sunset from my room.I'm so in love with the sky.
8:45 PM
I feel like I'm in some kind of limbo. I'm waiting to hear from school. Am I gonna get in or not? I can't do anything decisive until I know about my acceptance. However the decision goes, I will probably just be incredibly relieved to know. I hate not knowing.
7:12 PM
Thursday, June 12, 2003
This particular chinese song, one that I would never admit to liking, just breaks my heart. The song is sad and wistful. A pop song really. It makes me feel lost and a little overwhelmed. I guess it's connected to a particular period of my life where I wasn't thinking. That I was letting myself get dragged along because I was blind, deaf and stupid.10:19 PM
I was eating breakfast with RGuy before my convocation and that's where I couldn't help but cry. I looked around, it was gorgeous outside. And it just hit me. This place wasn't mine anymore. I was moving on. I loved being a student. I wish I could go back. But this coming September I'm not. And this is a big deal to me. A huge deal. I missed my friends. I missed walking to classes on campus. I missed all of it.
During the actual ceremony, things were too rushed and too nervewracking. I didn't have a moment in there to be still and feel sentimental. But it was amazing. I got my degree - incredible.
9:33 PM
Monday, June 02, 2003
It's officially summer.The light still filters in oh so softly this time of day. Through the breeze in the leaves, the light plays around on my walls. I love it.
8:06 PM
I love RGuy. He made me feel so special on my birthday.
12:17 AM
