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Who am I?
Erica *
Inkgurl *
Make-out bandit *
Caffeine junkie *
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Diary blog *
Relationships *
Heartbreak *
Sex *
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e y e s
s p a r k l e
f l i r t
b l o g
Sunday, January 30, 2005
I think I can definitely spell the end of this crush now. It was laying low for a while, but my curiosity, though more controlled, still ebbed and flowed a little. I did a bit more digging, and I confirmed that he has a girlfriend. And apparently he's not the most attentive boyfriend. That's what I heard. I tapped into someone a little closer to the source. I feel a little sad that the fantasy has become flat.Now I can focus on things more relevant and more rooted in reality. The reality is that I need to talk to RGuy. Communication is, after all, the key to a relationship. The time pressure is off, but it still needs to be addressed. I just hope that I don't f*ck it up.
8:54 PM
Friday, January 14, 2005
Yes. As time passes, it seems less and less likely that these things actually happened. In retrospect everything seems more... flaky. And I feel more and more ridiculous.So I turn back. The risks I thought I was willing to take seem silly and too impulsive. I know where it's safe.
Even if safe is not meant to be, I need more time to be sure.
1:27 AM
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
I wish.What do I wish?
I wish I had taken opportunities available to me. I wish I had gotten to know him better. At least I wouldn't feel so weird about the way I feel. I would have something more concrete to think about.
11:28 PM
Sunday, January 09, 2005
What can I say that hasn't already been said? I'm feeling the same things over and over again. Doubt and fear, hope and despair, indecision. It's a cycle. I'm sick of it.4:50 PM
Saturday, January 08, 2005
I just want to get to know him. Is that so wrong? I know I'm starting to hover around the line between stalkerville and casual obsession, but here I go anyway.Just anything. Anything. The sound of his voice. I want to hear it. Just something to satisfy my curiosity.
6:00 PM
Friday, January 07, 2005
Why does no one go online on Friday? Does anyone else notice this? I'm always hungry for things being updated, emails being sent, that I constantly check. And Fridays are always dry for this.Anyways, here I am alone. Studying.
11:12 PM
Thursday, January 06, 2005
I'm in the hungry for information stage again. I'm in that stage where I start to imagine what I would say to him.I would tell him that I really liked his eyes. I would tell him I really liked his eyes looking at mine. I would tell him how I started to notice him noticing me. Then I would tell him how I started to look for him. Then I would tell him how I couldn't stop thinking about him.
It doesn't really matter now. He's gone. Along with all my chances.
1:33 AM
Saturday, January 01, 2005
Good bye 2004. It was a good year.12:17 AM
