I wish that I had something profound to say about this whole experience. 7:15 PM
Sunday, May 13, 2007
When I call him, my heart always breaks if he hasn't picked up by the 3rd ring. I feel a lurch in my heart. I don't know why it affects me so much. Like it's such a tragedy - but it's not. 3:22 PM
How unfortunate. That I am so in love with him. And to have it unrequited.
I don't think that S sees it that way. Because he is young. And probably has never been in love. He sees himself as not as emotional as me because he is a guy. And stronger. Which is true to an extent, but really, it is because he doesn't love me.
Poetic justice I guess?
Because that is what happened with RGuy. He loved me. I didn't love him.
And I don't want to let S go. Yet I have a million reasons to do so. 11:36 PM
So after 2 pretty blissful months of living together... we are now in our separate places. Still close - sorta. About a 20 minute walk away. Still. It was hard to say good bye.
After being together everyday, seeing eachother, just becoming part of eachother's routine. Is that what marriage is like?
I was just happy. We were in sync. We got along so well - we ate the same foods, we shared the same bed. We shared our lives. We were happy.
So there I was - dissolving into tears. Saying good bye. Like going backwards. From living together everyday, to living alone. Is this what divorce is like?