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e y e s
s p a r k l e
f l i r t
b l o g
Friday, October 24, 2008
It bothers me that we cannot communicate when things get complicated.We can talk for hours and hours about nothing consequential. We talk about our days. We talk about our work. We talk about the past. We talk about our future through rose-coloured glasses.
But the minute things get tough - he shuts down. We will talk for a bit, but when it gets that much more difficult, he disappears into himself. I spent way too much time tonight listening to a wordless him while I held my overheated cell phone to my head. And in the end it was for nothing. We hung up.
Then I tried to go back to being functional. I undressed to get ready for a shower. And when I saw my reflection in the mirror I sank to the floor and sobbed. Silently. Even now, the carpet is still damp with my tears.
And I don't really know what to do.
I'm not sure the situation I am in is fair.
But in the end my choices remain the same.
I either agree to the terms laid out - no compromise possible. And I get him.
Or I keep the life I have, and I lose him?
What about what I want? What about the future I envisioned for myself? None of that counts?
10:35 PM
So what does it mean to compromise?
When does one accept the terms and go forth blindly... and when does someone say no?
Is love enough?
Can you really say you love someone when you cannot compromise for them? Or is it not that black and white?
Is a relationship really equal if one is losing everything to be together, and the other is not losing anything?
I don't want to lose him. But I don't want to be a door mat either.
10:27 PM
