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e y e s
s p a r k l e
f l i r t
b l o g
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
I don't know this guy. I don't know this guy.Maybe if I keep repeating it to myself, I will eventually realize the truth behind it.
What are few looks? Nothing. People look at eachother everyday. If I saw anything else behind those looks, it must have been my imagination. Though part of me believes that there was something there. That there was some sort of communication there. Do I know a look that is more than a look when I see it?
If I were to get to know this guy, what if he ended up being a total jerk? He could be snobby, obnoxious, insensitive, lame, cocky, or mean. Qualities I abhor. He might find qualities he doesn't like in me. He might not appreciate my geekiness, my clumsiness, my occasional flakiness, my tendency to get overexcited, my extreme sensitivity.
I'm really frustrated with myself. I roll my eyes at myself everyday.
What if he were totally perfect? What if he was totally sweet, if he matched my own values, if he was funny, down to earth and friendly. And he loved that I was sweet, sensitive and fiercely individual? What if??????? Ah now that I spell it out for myself, I can see the total implausibility of it all.
4:14 PM
