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e y e s
s p a r k l e
f l i r t
b l o g
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Okay I give in. Am I doomed? I am weak. Try to learn from my mistakes.I could feel him looking over. And I allowed myself to look over, and then I smiled at him. It was easy because it was not a big deal. But as I sit on that more and more, it seems filled with a bit more significance.
Was he purposefully watching me? Does he feel attracted to me? Was he watching me to see if I was watching him? Or was he only trying to be sweet, to reestablish friendship?
Who knows.
As with most things, I think with time I will forget I ever spent this much time thinking about him.
12:37 AM
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
It's so easy to romanticize past relationships. And it's pretty dangerous.Certain memories will become saturated with sentiment that is not meant to be there. People best left in the past will become something else entirely in your head. You will forget all the bad, and only remember the good - and you may make the same mistakes over again.
I, in particular, am guilty of this stupid crime.
10:12 PM
Sunday, March 20, 2005
I just saw Tim today. Tim was the codename I'm sure I used for him. He was the first guy I ever wrote about online - before I had a blog, in my online diary. Maybe you could say he was my inspiration for spilling my guts online.We had a thing - and it was ages ago. A whole other life. We were both different then- younger, definitely innocent. We were different people then.
It's weird because we had kept it a secret from our mutual friends. It was because we were both so young, and because we were family friends. It had stayed a secret until very recently, but through reasons I could not control, my two closest friends in that group found out. So on the car ride home, we all talked about it, for the first time.
And talking about it in the open like that, it just brought on a flood of memories that I thought were long buried. A flood of sadness.
My friends tell me that they thought they could see something between us. And definitely I will always find him attractive, but is it mutual? Maybe. I think just talking about it inflates it more for me. So in an act of self-preservation, I will try to forget it.
9:01 PM
