Even though I've calmed down a lot about S, I still feel some lingering heartbreak.
I don't even know how much he really likes me. Or if he's just doing me a favour by potentially being with me in September. Or if he's just with me for the sex. And he's just too nice to be overt about it.
And of course the reality that he can't be with me, or I'm not enough for him to even consider leaving his family behind for. And of course that would be a lot to ask. It's not fair for anyone to have to make that decision.
And also the possibility that things will fade out. He'll grow bored with emails and phone calls. As the days of summers pass by, who knows what will happen. Maybe he'll meet someone else. Maybe I will too. Maybe he will and I won't. Maybe it'll just fizzle out. And maybe that will be a new wound all in itself. 11:05 PM