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e y e s
s p a r k l e
f l i r t
b l o g
Thursday, May 11, 2006
I've gotten used to it and I haven't.So f*cking painful.
I try not to cry. He tells me not to cry. No more tears. But I can't repress them either. They need to come out.
So painful, so painful.
I've become one of those stories. Of the girl who is with a guy she can't have, and instead of leaving and moving on, she holds on. She can't let go. And no one else understands why she doesn't leave. Everyone thinks she's crazy and weak.
I'm so gone.
At what point could I have stopped? From the very beginning it was like a boulder rolling down a hill, picking up more and more momentum. What happened was almost inevitable.
Maybe if I had never kissed him at the club in Montreal.
So much pain. So painful.
So here I am with him now. Last exam is tomorrow. Last night together on Saturday. Then I move home on Sunday. He will then move to his home across the country Monday or Tuesday.
And I am trying to savour these last days.
And I appreciate that these may be the last days period. Because there are no guarantees for September. And even if there were, would it not be stupid of me to still try to be involved?
5:52 PM
