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e y e s
s p a r k l e
f l i r t
b l o g
Monday, May 08, 2006
S is in the shower right now, so let me take this moment to update.I basically made him make things clear for me.
I'll start from the beginning. We were stressing over exams - and he put on a song that he plays when he feels stressed - his "sad" song. And then I wanted to play my sad song. I put on Train's "Give Myself To You" - and as we were listening to it, I started to cry again.
"Do you care about me?"
"Of course I do."
I asked him. What will happen this summer? Do you feel optimistic?
And he said "I don't see why not"
And I said the more honest you are with me, the easier you will make it for both of us.
I tried to go back to studying, but he was watching me try to dry my tears. We watched eachother for a few minutes. I asked him, are you worried about me? He said yes, to see me cry, he didn't want to see me hurt. We hugged. And the tears started to flow again.
I asked "Am I only ever going to be your girl in Ontario?"
And he was silent. I told him, that if he didn't know, that was fine. He didn't have to answer me. But if he did know, that he should let me know.
He didn't know what to say. Because he didn't know how to say it.
But basically he said "I don't know if I see us working outside of Ontario"
He hated to see me cry, and for him to leave and come back, only to leave again, he didn't want to hurt me.
I told him how when I realized I loved him, I was bawling all night. Because I knew I couldn't ever really have him. I just needed him to confirm it for me.
He did tell me that he likes me a lot.
I said I would use the summer to get perspective. And that I wanted to be together at least until he left. And that in September we would see.
12:34 AM
