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e y e s
s p a r k l e
f l i r t
b l o g
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
I make myself sick.Why am I so insecure?
Loving S is incredibly agonizing.
I love him and I am ecstatic to be with him.
At the same time part of me still doesn't believe that I am with him. How is it that he is even attracted to me? What holds him to me? His sense of duty? His pity for me? Sex? It's not love...
I'm in agony because I am so f*cking needy. I cling to every word he sends my way. I wait for my phone to light up. I wait for his emails to appear. I f*cking rejoice when I do hear from him.
Why does it have to be like that?
Why can't people be matched up better? Why can't equal efforts be thrown into the relationship? Why is it like this?
It's a vicious cycle. In private I agonize and worry. But then the world turns around when I do get affection from him.
He probably doesn't even realize how my world teeters and totters for him. He probably doesn't even realize.
6:31 PM
