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e y e s
s p a r k l e
f l i r t
b l o g

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Wow how did I get so tragic? So pathetic?

I am actually disappointed with each new email I get that isn't from him.

Why do I need my ego to be stroked by this guy?

So vulnerable - I hate myself for it.

So my trip to Europe was not quite the epiphany of my life that I was hoping for.

But it was amazing nevertheless. In fact, I really wish I was still there. Still travelling, still seeing new things, still just having fun.

With respect to my love life, I did manage to not think about S every single second of the day. I did talk about him to people, and I did take pleasure in their exclamations on how good looking he is when I showed them his picture.

And I did have lots of opportunities to just talk about my situation. Did I gain a deeper understanding of it all? I don't know - maybe.

I did meet these girls on my trip that will eventually find themselves in an arranged marriage. And they were okay with it, it was what they wanted. And it was interesting to hear their perspective. It helped me see a bit more where S is coming from.

So that being a completely separate issue... focusing on the here and now... the fact of the matter is that I am needy. I never knew how capable I was of being this way. But there it is.

10:26 PM

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