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e y e s
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b l o g
Monday, November 13, 2006
What am I doing here?What am I doing with him?
I have always struggled with things. I never saw myself as good enough for him.
And I guess I don't have to be really. I am not what he is looking for in the long run anyway.
Sometimes I feel like I want him to just break up with me because I'm not right for him because somehow that feels easier than losing him to these other factors like geography, culture, religion.
But then other times I want him to lie to me. I want him to love me right here and now, and to hell with the future.
But that's the thing. I don't know if he loves me (he's never said it), and I don't know if he ever will.
Sometimes I feel okay with the way things are. Sometimes I feel like it hurts so much my head will split open or I will disappear into the ground. Sometimes the pain overwhelms me.
6:51 PM
