I lied yesterday - I cried once. But it wasn't a huge sobbing mess... there were big tears, but it only lasted about 5 minutes.
So today, Day 4: I hate life a little bit less.
I still don't feel happy, and I still can't picture happiness. I still want him. But I do feel a little more normal overall.
I could put away all evidence of him - the photo, the art he gave me, the steel cup I inherited, the big red ape he gave me for Vday... but I won't do it. Because I want to feel the pain - not suppress it. I want to get over this as soon as possible. And when I know I am definitely okay - I will put those things away. When I am ready.
We haven't spoken since that very sober conversation Tuesday night. I have no urges to call him very soon, maybe next week. I almost wanted to email him, just to tell him stuff, like how I saw the car he was telling me about in the newspaper, or how things are going with my work. But I resisted. 6:19 PM