He actually sent me a text message to say happy new year. It was completely generic. It seems likely that it was mass texted to everyone he knew. Who knows who that might have included.
So now that I've received two very generic, very neutral texts from him, I can't say that I want to talk to him anymore. Perhaps that was his intent. Who knows. He probably didn't think that much about it.
I am actually lying in bed with J right now. He is fast asleep, and I have been unable to fall asleep myself. It's too hot or my mind is just too full of thoughts that won't go away, they just keep swimming around in my head.
I can hear drunk new years revellers on the streets outside. They're actually howling. Constantly. Probably completely unaware of how obnoxious they are being.
So here I am. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I hate to say it, but not having a man makes me feel a bit lost. I wish it wasn't that way. J is not the one for me. I think that I need to truly be single for a while so I can get some perspective on my purpose and not have it be just about the guy in my life. I don't actually want to be one of those girls.