I was a little bit tempted to contact S this Christmas. Maybe make a joke about it, saying it was my annual message to him.
But I resisted.
I wish I didn't still love him so much. More than a year later and I can't shake him.
I guess part of it is that nothing since him has really worked out. He still remains the most significant relationship of my life.
I can't help but be curious about him. It's morbid, I know. Is he happy? How is his life? Is he with another girl? What is she like? Is he happy?
I wonder how much I cross his mind. I wonder what his regrets are.
I don't think it's that black and white. Maybe I'm delusional but I don't believe he is evil or that he never thinks about me. I think that he made his choice, but I don't believe it was easy for him.
Who knows really. It is good that we are separated by a country. 6:32 PM